Warning! This post might have a boring content. Stop here if you don’t want to read my upsetting musings. However, if you continue reading, I admire your curiosity.
Lately I have noticed a big change in my behavior and thoughts. I used to be a nice girl (most of the time) and very diplomatic. As I’m approaching my 30’s (one month to go) I became a bit of a bitch. I mean, I’m always saying things I don’t like, refusing to do things I’m told by my superiors (if not in the mood), but I also take the blame if I’m responsible for things. That leads me to the things I realized I don’t like in others. I don’t like self-absolved people, I don’t like people who are not taking the blame (when they should) and can’t stand people who always do small talk. In a few words, I don’t like my colleagues. Probably, they don’t like me either, but that’s a risk I’m willing to take. There’s something about my colleagues, (who are all women, by the way) that just makes me run away. I rarely decide to go for a coffee with them after work, that’s why they decided not to invite me anymore. I mean what’s the point? The only thing we have in common is our work and when you go for a coffee the last thing you want to talk about is work. Plus I see them 9+ hours a day, 6 days a week and that for me is more than enough. It’s like I’m living with them , for God sake. Maybe they feel the same about me, but frankly I don’t give a damn. In 20 days, I’ll be out of that place and don’t have to see them again for a couple of months. I might find something else in this time and don’t have to see them again, ever.
And then I wonder why people enjoy going for a drink after work with their colleagues. I totally understand the point if you’re working with your best friend (which rarely happens) or if you haven’t got better things to do. But that must be very sad (not having better things to do). Maybe your work mates are really great and challenge your brain with new ideas. In that case, I want to know your field of expertise so I can change mine.
And all these thoughts make me wonder if I’m becoming anti-social. I might do as I can’t spend my time listening to someone who’s talking about themselves, or about weather or about work. I want to be surrounded with people who take their time to understand and develop new ideas or concepts about life, who question things and never settle for general truths. Since I’m not immortal (as much as I wish to be) I realized my time is so precious that I’d rather spend it alone watching the clouds, the birds or the sunset, that drinking a tasteless coffee with not my kind of people.