Today’s assignment and Writing101 found me in great difficulty. Not because letters are out dated, but because I knew who I needed to write the letter to and it broke my heart, once again. They say you should face fear with a smile on your face in order to conquer it. So I did, not smiling but being brave. Brave enough to write this letter after all this years. Here it is:
A beautiful soul Your daughter
In Heaven Still on Earth
“Have you ever lost someone you love and wanted one more conversation, one more chance to make up for the time when you thought they would be here forever? If so, then you know you can go your whole life collecting days, and none will outweigh the one you wish you had back.”
― Mitch Albom,
I know it’s been long since we spoke, but I needed all this time. I needed it in order to gather my thoughts, to forgive myself, to understand you… So forgive me, mom, for not writing earlier! Some words cannot be written or said unless time heals the pain and closes the wounds. All these years after you left, were tough, but they taught me valuable lessons about life, love and myself.
I followed your advice and began to read a lot and learn new languages as you always said they will come in handy one day. You were right, they did, in my travelings. I didn’t tell you but I chose a major in Journalism and Communication Studies at University, because I wanted to become a war correspondent. After four years of higher education, I changed my mind and decided to embrace something else as a profession. And that’s when I started to travel. Staying at home was always bringing back sad memories so I decided to make new and beautiful ones, to cover the old and painful. Dad was so supportive and helped me follow my dreams. He’s the best parent anyone can have and I am so blessed for having him. You knew you are leaving me in good hands, that’s why you decided to leave the world?
I want to apologize now for being such a difficult teenager, for being so stubborn and selfish. I know I’ve hurt your soul so many times (
that is something I have to live with every day). Working with children, I understand now that we all go through phases as we grow up, but I wanted to ask for forgiveness. Maybe I didn’t say “I love you” to often, but I do now. Maybe I wasn’t supportive enough when you needed me, but what did I know back then? I’m sorry for all the times I made you cry, because I was stupid and reckless. Sorry…
Hope you are well, wherever you are and at peace with yourself. As for me, I am fine. I still miss you, but thank you for the present you sent me four years ago in the same day you left. He makes me happy and feel loved and he’s the best man for me. I know you had something to do with meeting him, that day. So, thanks!
My beloved mom, before I finish this letter, I just want to tell you that I love you so much and miss you everyday. Thomas Campbell once said that “To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die”, just so you know. And every time I look into a mirror, guess who I see staring back at me? That’s right, you :). Love you mommy and see you someday!