As hard as things might get
Don’t you ever forget
To stop and smell the flowers.
“Remember when we started dating, that we used to wear matching clothes?”, chuckles Edda.
“Yes, we were so cute. I think we knew it then that we’ll end up together forever. At least I knew”, replies Earl.
“How did you know that? We were so young, you couldn’t possibly have thought about marriage back then”, Edda looks at Earl, but his expression is serious “or were you?”
“Well, my darling wife, there’re some things about me that you still don’t know, so it’s time to tell you the truth. I noticed you way before the gander incident and was waiting for a perfect moment to introduce myself. I knew that if got acquainted, we would become friends and later on, we would start dating and get married. I just knew that the first moment I saw you. “
“My dear romantic, who would have thought? But I love you all the same,” smiled Edda and gave Earl a peck on the cheek.
Sometimes I feel like I’m the female version of Coelho’s Alchemist. And when I think about it, this used to be my favourite book. One the few ones I’ve read twice. Nevermind, I don’t want to write about that today anyway. Today it’s about childhood and places that take you back in time.
Whenever I decide to wander on the muddy trails behind my house I am instantly reminded of childhood. And how could that be any different since not much has changed in the surroundings. Sometimes if feels like the time stood still for so many years. That changes when one looks in the mirror, but that’s on a rather different subject.
And as for childhood memories there are plenty, some happy and some not quite. What strikes me the most is that I always had a feeling of not fitting in with the crowd, with people around me, even with my relatives. I never seemed to find subjects of interests with people around me and that made me realize I needed to flee in order to find my tribe. And so I did.
But now that I’m back, I realise I feel the same as I did as a child, but now I don’t care if I am different from the people around me, I don’t care if we have nothing in common, because I did find my tribe eventually so I don’t feel that misunderstood anymore.
The clouds are warning
Nothing can prepare us all
For what’s coming next.
‘Was it difficult?’ Edda asked, breaking the silence.
‘What?’ replied Earl with a question, more of habit than interest. After so many years together, he got used with Edda’s way of thinking out loud. Sometimes she was asking questions, just to hear the words dancing into thin air. She loved words and used them as often as she can. Earl was a quiet man, but without Edda, his life would have been very empty.
Earl always bought a book with him and Edda some knitting. That was how they prepared to watch the sunsets every evening. They even had their own bench and everyone in town knew that. But that was out of a habit as Earl did no reading and Edda no knitting while the sun was setting. It was too mesmerising to do anything else.
‘To love me’ she looked at him with fondness in her eyes. It was the love and respect that got them through the years and through the hardships. ‘I know I wasn’t the easiest woman to love, I was stubborn, still am, I was wild and loud. For a quiet man like you it must have been a lot. I know I was overwhelming at times, but you stuck with me, through it all.’ she turned to watch the sunset but a tear rolled down her wrinkly cheeks.
‘No, it wasn’t difficult, it was right. It felt right, it still feels like that. You showed me a different side of life and without you my life would be hollow.’ Earl reached for Edda’s hand and gave it a squeeze. It was his silent way of showing her affection. And Edda knew that, so she squeezed back.
And with that, they let the silence speak and continued admiring the last light of the day.
Today I wanted to write about some on my adventures on happy days. But life happens and unexpected things as well. So today is not about happy memories, or travel or adventures, it is about the present.
I am back home for some time and even though adjusting took a while and it’s an ongoing process, I don’t see myself staying here for ever. I am a free bird who doesn’t like to be caged. So, being back home brings back some good and some not so good memories. But I was happy to have one of my childhood friends nearby who always seemed to be in a good mood and was always making my days better. He was beside me through some of my most difficult times and made sure I was OK and still laughing. There are people who are born like this, to make everyone’s day better just by being there. But this changed a few days ago and I still cannot process everything.
Death doesn’t ask! It never cares. It doesn’t ask if a person is too good, too young or too loved to be taken away. Maybe there’s a lesson to be learned out of this. Maybe we should learn to laugh more, love like crazy and live every day like it’s our last one. But do we? Do we ever do that? In theory we know we should, but how many of us do it? Not many, I’m sure.
And still life warns us with everything happening around. We receive the warnings, but wave them away. We never learn, yet think we are wise.
My childhood friend died three nights ago and really I don’t know what to say. I still cannot believe it. Seems unreal and I am still in denial mode. I was woken up with the shocking news. And you know what happened next? I went inwards. When I can’t deal with something, I am not facing it, I’m hiding. I could not go and see his family, present my regrets, I could not go to his funeral. Instead I stayed home and cried. Cried for him, for the loss and for my inability to face it. I cried for all the times he made me laugh in difficult situations, for all our childhood memories and all the good times we had together. I cried until there were no more tears left. And then I got angry with myself for being such a coward and not dealing with life’s facts. For not facing the reality. For not being able to go to his wake or his funeral. For only being able to put my pain on paper. Maybe we all deal with pain and loss differently. Maybe that is my way of dealing with life, I need my time alone to grieve, to accept, to move on.
I will miss you dearly my friend, I will miss your jokes and the way you were making my day better just by saying a few words. You will be missed and because your were always making everyone laugh in tense or difficult situations, part of me didn’t want to say goodbye crying my eyes out. I’d rather believe you left in a far away exotic country and having the time of your life. Hope you’ll make other souls laugh and spread the joy on the other realms. It’s a beautiful sunny day today, just like your soul! May your soul be free and happy wherever it will go. Farewell!
When feeling down or
Lacking energy to live
Sugar’s your best friend.
“Earl, do you remember when we met?”
“I remember it was a cold winter far colder than this one. And I was getting home from school. You were being chased by a gaggle and were trying to get away from that gander, which was not ready to give up on attacking you.” Earl chuckles at the thought.
“Well my dear, you have a really good memory, for an old man,” jokes Edda, “and you also saved my life that day. Well, maybe saved is not a very appropriate word, but at the time it seemed like that.”
“And that was not the only time I saved you”. Earl looked at Edda and gave her a soft smile.
“You are right, that was not the only time you saved me, my love,” replied Edda and nodded lost in thoughts.